~* forever *~

i was listening to derrick's wo she bu de and the conversation i had with yl and sf the other day suddenly pops up in my head. yl mentioned someone who, is no longer, but who used to be a close friend of mine. The chorus keeps repeating as the song continues and i start to think, did i "she bu de", that time when we are no longer close?

It was a drastic (almost immediate i think) change, from very close to hi-bye friend (most of the time even without hi-byes). I remembered being shocked and, as much as i dont want to admit, i was in fact a little lost. I carried on with school and stuffs of course, but some part of me just feels weird. It's like you suddenly lose a friend to chat with and complain to everyday. And also suddenly, you dont know what this person is doing or where this person is heading. To everyone else, the two of you are still very close friends so they will tend to ask you about this person. Initially, i really do not know how to say " actually we are no longer close" because i am afraid that people will ask me why. Not because i dont want to explain, but because it involves another person and i am also not sure if i really did understand the whole story, like whether it's really what i think it is.

So yes, back to the "bu she de" question. I guess i dont really feel she bu de. Its more like bu xi guan. I cant remember how long our "very close" friendship last. Was it 1 year or 6 mths or in between? But at least i know at that period of time we contact everyday, so i guess i cant be blamed for not getting used to us not contacting anymore. And anyway, it was only after my conversation with them that day that i realise, i am already ok with all that had happened before. Come to think of it, i really took a very long time to seriously get over every parts and bits of it, but well, at least i did. Maybe its the time (time heals all "wounds") and also because i dont see this person anymore. I think both play a part but i think not seeing plays a larger part of it.

I dont regret the friendship we had before but i seriously hope i can build a better one next time. Of course those close friendships i already have now have their (very big) worth too! I just mean that if there is another new friendship that is building up, i hope it wont end the way it used to. And, i am actually quite satisfied with being on my own nowadays, so whether i will make the effort to make new friends will probably be another problem too. Well, shall not probe that problem now.

WORDS

一望即逝的烟火
象征着我们
我喜欢的是青色还是红色
你有在乎吗？

因为有依赖
所以最伤心
听说你也难过
但你不曾挽留

你认为
叫我把棉被盖好
就是一种安慰
但你曾想过
你说完掉头就走
却是更残忍的伤害

相信我
忘记也许更容易
其实并没有讨厌
不能怪你的无助
你知道吗？

希望以后再遇见
我们只是陌生人

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

曾经以为
一切都不会改变
怎么说散就散
一点预兆都不给

是因为他吗
还是我没搞清楚
你怎会说走就走
连一句话也没留

是我太慢太傻
还是有些事根本不必说
是无所不谈吗
怎么会差了你我

是你太傻太慢
还是根本没想过
所以就算无所不谈
还是缺了你我

如果有一天
你突然想起我
请记得
我曾经给过你微笑