~* forever *~

i noe i shldnt be blogging now..shld be doing tut instead..but i jus cant stop myself..

erm..4th march...a day i think i will remember forever..its the most unexpected day of my life till now..nv would i expect it to turn out this way...n i totally regretted it..

regret agreeing to go for co concert at 5.45pm..regret calling them to ask if they (or him to be specific) r in town..regret meeting them at esplanade..regret tearing in front of them while complaining..regret watching mid nite movie wif them..regret making my parents worry n ended up he had to tok to my dad..regret crying in front of them when i called home to explain things..regret making them ma fan to send me home afer watching the movie..

sometimes i think...is my parents' expectations of me too high..or izzit that i expect too much fm them?? i wan them to give me the freedom that i wan..i wan them to show concern for me when i go out late..i wan them not to ask too much abt my stuffs n frenz..i wan them to say well done when i got gd results...m i asking too much??? i dunno...m i a rebellious child in their eyes?? jus becos my sis r not liddat??

i realli dunno...wat i noe is..im realli heartbroken in a way when my dad refuse to hear my explanations yesterday...maybe he was too angry..maybe it was too noisy at his side n he din hear wat i was toking abt...but i realli m...veri sad... when i called my mum and said "ke shi ta bu yao ting wo jiang"...i nv knew such words will actually come out fm my mouth..i always thot i wont be able to use this sentence..esp not in the family context..i wanted so much to tell him that i was veri angry..that my tix got sold away...n i met them onli to complain..n they suggested gg to watch movie wif me to let me xiao qi..i cant possibiliy reject since they went off earlier fm their fren's bday party jus to come find me..i realli cant..i noe u r concern..but im realli fine gg out wif them alone cos i realli trust them...i noe u r worried..but im realli ok..ya..but i din get to say all these..

n im realli touched...this is the 1st time my frenz came down almost immediately when i needed someone to be there..i din expect the someone to be u (or u all).. but still ya..sorry to make u c me cry..i cant help it..thanks for calling today to ask if everything is ok..i dunno if its out of kpo-ness or real concern..i realli appreciate it..

ya..but after all these...we r back to the happy family again..i suppose its wrong on my part too..they r worried for me..tat i cant deny..but they could haf trust me more..not as if they din go watch mid nite movie wif their frenz when they were young..y cant i do it now?? i realli dunno..i dun wan to ask..i dun wan to complicate things anymore..

jus hope i can forget everything soon..the feeling sux...i dun wan to pretend to be happy when my whole mind is still thinking of wat had happened...

WORDS

一望即逝的烟火
象征着我们
我喜欢的是青色还是红色
你有在乎吗？

因为有依赖
所以最伤心
听说你也难过
但你不曾挽留

你认为
叫我把棉被盖好
就是一种安慰
但你曾想过
你说完掉头就走
却是更残忍的伤害

相信我
忘记也许更容易
其实并没有讨厌
不能怪你的无助
你知道吗？

希望以后再遇见
我们只是陌生人

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

曾经以为
一切都不会改变
怎么说散就散
一点预兆都不给

是因为他吗
还是我没搞清楚
你怎会说走就走
连一句话也没留

是我太慢太傻
还是有些事根本不必说
是无所不谈吗
怎么会差了你我

是你太傻太慢
还是根本没想过
所以就算无所不谈
还是缺了你我

如果有一天
你突然想起我
请记得
我曾经给过你微笑