~* forever *~

home alone now...family out for dinner le...decided to stay at home n study..haha..slack too much le..

was studying electronics..wif nice songs playing in the background..hmmz..now playing is feng by jay...nice song too... :)

dunno my purpose of writing this blog actually..hhaha..so forgive me if it doesnt snd right..or linked...

told my mother umpteen times that i wanna ..or rather..i will go overseas wif my frenz during holi..considering that i haf already gone for overseas sch trips for 3 times since sec 2...i dun c the problem wif me gg alone now...she rejected me many times despite that many naggings by me..until recently..surprisingly...she said ok??!!! hahha...but dun be too happy yet..cos not soon later..my father rejected the idea..n he he finally told my mum the ultimate reason that he doesnt allow..ok..finez..he think i m not mature enuff...

erm..it doesnt really affect me until today..listening to those slow songs..it suddenly sets me thinking...i m immature?? hmmz..i dun think so leh...in fact..i sometimes think i m too mature for my age..thinking too deep into things..n considering too much things...sometimes too dead n not happening enuff..but me?? immature...??? hmmz..i suppose i post to them a wrong idea of myself in front of them..too kiddish n too 'nian' my mother...i think im wrong again...there is a period of time that i think im not close to my family lo..cos i acted jus like the way i act in sch..this happens like in sec sch..i dunno y..erm..i was in my cca commitee since sec 1..n slowly became the president..so..i sort of feel that i shld keep up a front of being clear-minded..n not so playful..when i reached home..i stayed in the room..closed the door..but did nth...n my parents haf to come in n ask me wat im doing n ask me go out watch tv..hahha..can u imagine how bad it was...??? n now..direct opp!! they c me everyday..running here n there...hugging my mum every now n den..hahha..i think i m wrong again...that shld be the way when i m in sec sch rite..n not now..hmmz..but i still dun think i im immature jus by being liddat...i kept alot of things to myself actually...not say i haf lots of problems..but i dun like to pester them wif every little things that happen..i also dun like the idea of discussing things..cos i think i can solve them by myself..isnt that mature in a way?? or i m wrong again..??? my mum told me i shld be like my sis..discuss things as a family..but den..wats the pt of discussing when i noe my decision rite?? or at least i already noe wat i will do..jus like last time..considering for the course to take in uni..they were veri excited...cos my grades were..ok..not bad..i admit i wanted to go into chem engine in the 1st place..i think everyone noes that when i still in jc..but ultimately..i think i haf the interest in materials engine..even though they din say anything..i noe they dun realli agree wif my decision..cos my cousins say that it is not gd..no career prospects..they tried to change my decision..to go into chem engine..EEE..MPE...even ACC(omg!!)..but still..here im today..in MSE..im glad im here..noe many gd frenz n also i noe my interest is here...so wats the pt of dicussions in this case?? i noe where i wan to be..so here i m...tat is not mature???

ok..im not angry seriously..jus puzzled..i agree i act different in front of my family n frenz..differently to diff groups of cliques..differently to diff pp in the same clique also..hahha...i guess im a complicated person...so which is the real me??? dun ask me...im not sure too...

hmmz..in fact..i think im also quite clear-minded in terms of relationship..erm..not say i haf many problems regarding it..hahhaha...but still i think i noe wat i wan..i may haf tok to some of u regarding related things to it when i feel that im unsure..but still..i noe wat i need n wat i wan...im gg to 21 veri soon..an age of adulthood..so wat??? i think im an adult already...toking abt this..yl..that 2 "problems" which i tok to u in the past few mths...i in fact already have the ans long ago..its nth...i think im suppose to be mature enuff to noe this long ago...hahah...

but anyway..tok so much...i dunno wat come into me today...n y im toking abt all this today..but ya..no point deleting this post away since i haf wrote so much..so..thanks for "listening".......

WORDS

一望即逝的烟火
象征着我们
我喜欢的是青色还是红色
你有在乎吗？

因为有依赖
所以最伤心
听说你也难过
但你不曾挽留

你认为
叫我把棉被盖好
就是一种安慰
但你曾想过
你说完掉头就走
却是更残忍的伤害

相信我
忘记也许更容易
其实并没有讨厌
不能怪你的无助
你知道吗？

希望以后再遇见
我们只是陌生人

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

曾经以为
一切都不会改变
怎么说散就散
一点预兆都不给

是因为他吗
还是我没搞清楚
你怎会说走就走
连一句话也没留

是我太慢太傻
还是有些事根本不必说
是无所不谈吗
怎么会差了你我

是你太傻太慢
还是根本没想过
所以就算无所不谈
还是缺了你我

如果有一天
你突然想起我
请记得
我曾经给过你微笑